


Infinity

by Dazzledfirestar



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Secret Avengers
Genre: Death Wish, Future Fic, M/M, Multi, Super Soldier Serum, Survivor Guilt, Threesome - M/M/M, infinity formula, multiple character deaths (off panel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 09:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dazzledfirestar/pseuds/Dazzledfirestar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another funeral makes him wonder why he keeps going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Infinity

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this year's [trope bingo card](http://dazzledfirestar.dreamwidth.org/141960.html#cutid1). Prompt: Future Fic. I took hold of something that Nick Fury Sr. said in New Avengers. That the infinity formula/super soldier serum was an invitation to every friend's funeral. This is what came out of it.

Nothing had gone the way he’d figured or prepared for. There were years sometimes where he didn’t have to think about what was coming; about what he’d lose eventually. And it was an eventuality. He knew that too. It was the part of the whole serum thing. Everyone who had to deal with it knew that. But he hadn’t signed up for this. He’d been born with it because his father had signed on the dotted, immortality line. And now, baring some massive act of violence—obviously it was a possibility but he healed fast so it had to be big—he would watch most of his friends, his family die. 

And he did. One by one by one. 

His entire focus on was on the stone in front of him, so much so that he didn’t register the presence beside him until the man put a hand on his shoulder. “He was a good man.”

“Always.” The word came out short and quiet. He didn’t trust his voice. He had support. He had friends. A few, true but the people who understood that were left were there. He shouldn’t feel as alone as he had. When Jim had died, he’d had Phil to focus on. They’d held each other up through it all. This time… without his best friend and one of the people he’d loved more than his own life beside him, even with Captain fucking America standing next to him, he felt alone. Abandoned. Because more and more it felt like he’d never get to follow them. He’d never get to see them again as ridiculous as he thought the idea of an after life was most of the time, the thought that maybe he’d see them again as they’d been… it should have been a comfort.

When you weren’t going to die, it felt like a cruel joke.

There weren’t many people that would get that. Cap. Morse. Romanov. They were the only ones left. Even his old man had finally given up a few decades ago. Nick could have laughed. A few decades. As if that was nothing. To him, he guessed it was. 

“Natasha’s saving a table at that diner near HQ.”

“Yeah. Okay.” He nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off the stone. “Phil’d have liked that. He loved that place.” Right up until he couldn’t remember it. Until he barely remembered Jim, and barely remembered why Nick kept coming to see him. Nick thanked whatever deity would listen that he had a lucid moment before the end. That he looked up and knew who Nick was and why he was there. That they got to say goodbye properly.

_I know you’ll get there eventually. We’ll be there when you do._

He blinked back the tears for the millionth time that day. Crying in front of Captain America was not something he wanted to do again. “I can’t keep this up.”

“I know. It… “

“If you’re going to say it gets easier, I don’t want to hear it.”

“No. Never easier. I wouldn’t—“ Steve sighed and shook his head, glancing down the row and obviously studying the familiar names. Rhodey was next to Phil, right where he belonged. Hill was up the row a little. She’d been so angry when they pulled her out of the field for chemo.

_Fuck you! I’ll die on my feet!_

A little further down was Barton. He had gotten the wish Maria wasn’t allowed. Nick remembered asking a few weeks after the explosion how Bobbi and Natasha were doing. In a moment of anger, Natasha had spit out a curse in Russian. It seemed to be coming true now.

_You’ll know. One day, you’ll know._

But they went on. All of them. After friends and lovers and brothers in arms fell, they all went on. He knew that. He’d said the words out loud over and over after Jim had gotten sick. _We’ll be okay. We’ll go on._ It had been a promise to a man that he never wanted to lie to. Phil had told him the same thing over and over as he faded away. They stayed until they were sure he was gone. Nick had done the same with Phil. Holding his hand until the nurses pulled him away.

“How do you keep it up?” He finally turned to face the man beside him. “How did…”

“I don’t know… not really.” Steve’s eyes fell on another stone. Sharon had told him not to let it all linger. He knew that. She’d told Steve to move on. To keep going. It was good advice in theory. In practice it was feeling damn near impossible. “I know how it feels… to wonder when you might get a chance to—“

“Stop.” Nick nodded. “Yeah. It was different last time.”

“I know. Come on, let’s go get a bite to eat.” Steve pulled on his shoulder a little, trying gently to turn him away from the lines of graves.

“Not yet. Just… just a few more minutes.”

“Nick…”

“He was it. The last bit of my old life. You can give me a couple more minutes for that, Captain.”

“Alright.” Steve sighed and stepped back. “There’ll be a cup of coffee waiting for you when you’re done.”

He nodded and waited until he was sure Steve had left before leaning forward and putting his hand on the stone. Done. He could have laughed at that if he’d had it left in him. He felt done. Like he’d finished a marathon only to be left with cramps and exhaustion. He felt like he should be done. That he should be there with his friends and lovers. That he’d done enough.

But his body didn’t even protest like it should after so long as he dropped to his knees between Phil and Jim, one hand on each of their gravestones and desperately wishing something would pull him down between them where he belonged. That some super villain or mercenary would see the opportunity and take the shot. It didn’t come though. It never did.

Someday… he told himself for the millionth time that day. Maybe someday he’d see them all again.


End file.
